What!?! It's OCTOBER!

All I can say is...wow. There is a universal and undeniable truth to the saying, "Time flies when you're having fun" and this last month is proof of that.

In this last month I have flown to the USA and Budapest. I have taken a train to Dinant (cool city in Belgium) and Brugges. And I have driven to the beaches of Normandy and the castles of Rhine Valley. In this last month I have ambushed my brother's post-mission airport scene, caused my older sister Melissa to cry with joy (something not easily done), and spent three amazing weeks with my Mom, Dad, and little brother exploring and learning more about the beautiful countries I am blessed to live by. Some other side adventures include celebrating my 26th birthday which kicked me out of Europes "Youth" category for train rides and museums, celebrating Ben and my fourth wedding anniversary, and spending the first night alone with Ben since Brooklyn was born 16 months ago. What a beautiful month! And to wrap it up nicely I listened, with more attention than I ever have before, to the words of the Prophets and Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and gained a strong testimony and confirmation that what they counsel us to do is that true path to become more like our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. As I said before, what a beautiful month!

There are a few thoughts that come into my head through all this retrospection and the first is this: Reuniting with family and friends is one of the most beautiful moments in a persons life. I mentioned ambushing my little brother Michael's airport scene before. For those who don't know he was gone on a mission for the LDS church for the past two years in Portland, Oregon and was only able to communicate with family via letters and e-mails except on Christmas and Mother's Day when he was allowed a phone call home. He was gone when Brooklyn was born as well as when we moved to Brussels and it seemed that so much life separated us.

Then an unexpected blessing occurred. Ben was required to present his PhD proposal to both his board at ULB and the University of Utah. He was also required to attend and present at a conference at the University of Utah to be held the same week that Michael came home. Through this fortuitous timing we planned his visit back to the states and through the generosity of my father we were able to fly home as a family the day before Michael came home. Nobody in my family, save my dad and my brother-in-law, knew we were going to be home for this special occasion and we determined to keep it that way until Michael got off of the airplane the next day.

I can't express the excitement that I felt as Ben and I weaved through people and telephone booths at the airport the next day. We felt so sneaky as we huddled into a predetermined corner and waited for Michael to come down the escalator to the baggage claim. I'd pop my head out from behind the corner to get a glimpse of my unsuspecting family and then quickly fall back behind so I wouldn't be seen. Ben sat in plain site confident that my family was too caught up to notice him, even though my brother in law took a picture of him smugly sitting there while my family waited for Michael. When the moment arrived we slithered through the crowd, ducking and dodging until I hid safely behind my fathers back. And, just as my little sister pulled away from her first Mikey hug in two years, I stepped out into the open and watched his face light up with a mixture of excitement, joy, and confusion. The look on his face combined with the rib-crushing hug I received afterward made the whole 32 hours of traveling home and back seem like a blink of an eye.

That week with back home was filled with so much joy. I got to spend time with Melissa and her new baby boy Kellen and my beautiful sister Kristina. I got to eat Cafe Rio with my best friend Cassie and spend time with Ben's sister Robyn and her outstanding daughters. My favorite memory though would have to be hugging my confused and excited family at the airport. The rush of emotions felt in seeing loved ones that we wouldn't have seen for six more months and the joy of surprise in planning such a fantastic ambush filled my heart.

The second thought I had this month is: Love is equally shared and given even if it seems unequally shown. My family consists of three girls, Melissa, myself, and Kristina and one lucky boy Mike. Growing up we were all loved in a way that fit our personalities. I, for example, was very athletic and competitive so my parents pushed me to be successful in sports and music. They endured hours of practices and lessons and sat through tons of concerts and games. Kristina is more dramatic and creative so my parents would calm her down after a bad day at school and love her even if what she was doing was not what they wanted her to do. Different people require different love. Growing up I never realized the different types of love that were given in my home. I was sure that my parents loved us equally and supported us in the exact same ways. It was only a few years ago when my family was enduring difficult trials that I realized the ways in which my parents loved each of us.

Then I became a mom... Let me tell you one thing that is very important for mothers to know, when you are a mom EVERYTHING is personal. Brooklyn is the third of four grandchildren. She came after Melissa's adorable Janie and mellow William. My child though adorable is not mellow. So anytime a harmless comment was made about Janie or William in comparison to Brooklyn I would tense. My mama bear would come growling to the top of my throat and get stuck in the same place maternal-morning-sickness would stick. It didn't happen much when she was younger and after we moved out here it completely disappeared until my parents came for a visit. Brooklyn was herself and most of the time all was well but occasionally, in a car or late at night in a hotel, her "fun-o-meter was pegged" (just for you dad) and she would express herself loudly like she does. Only during these frustrated times would her screams bother my parents and in turn their comments bother me.

The breaking point occurred when we were touring the impressive Marksburg castle along the Rhine in Germany. It was a cold, miserable day at the end of a five day roadtripping week. Brooklyn was tired and wet (and later to learn full of it, literally). So after about ten minutes of the touring with a screaming baby and receiving glares from everyone in the group I decided to take myself and Brooklyn out of the picture. I jumped into another group that was leaving the castle and hurried out as fast as I could. After changing her diaper and finding a place to sit down I just lost it. I felt like my parents expected Brooklyn to be like one of her cousins. I felt angry that they would compare such different children and situations. I felt hurt that even the grandparents got to glare at the screaming toddler. As I cried softly to myself while feeding Brooklyn bits of croissant I debated what  I would say to my parents. I imagined speeches I would give about treating the grandchildren fairly and about loving each of them the same. As I concocted this speech in my head I looked up to see my whole family coming towards me. I stood to meet them and confront them about their behavior in the castle only to be quickly embraced by my mother who held me tight and whispered "I love you", "I'm sorry". My speech disappeared from my mind, all the anger that had built up over every little comment subsided and tears filled my eyes because in that moment I knew that my mother loved me. I knew that she loved my baby girl just as much as she loved her other grandchildren. And I knew that she felt my pain and wanted to make it go away.

Love is shown in many different ways and forms and we fail to recognize it when we're looking for the love that someone has given to somebody else. On the ride home that day my parents talked about the differences between each grandchild. They told me stories about how each child had at some time driven he and my mom over the edge, I must confess I felt better when the stories were about Janie and William. They joked that grandparents get away with it when they become angry at grandchildren because the grandchildren only remember that "grandpa gives us poptarts". But most importantly they assured me that Brooklyn was special to them, they love her, and they know she is a beautiful and intelligent girl.

Parents, spouses, siblings, friends, children all make mistakes. The worst feeling in the world comes when we are angry at someone we love even when a wrong has been committed. The greatest regrets in life come from not showing love enough. The last thing I learned this month is: don't let petty anger overshadow life-long love. My family is not perfect because we are a family of humans but we love each other. To this day I have never seen a family so willing to forgive, so desirous to be close, and so eager to congregate than my family (I may be biased :). I love the time we spend together and I hate when myself or someone else lets silly mistakes get in the way of an enjoyable time. Something you realize when you live far away from home is how precious each moment is and to think that  I wasted a handful of moments being angry over something inconsequential is my only regret of their visit. If you have time with your family, make it beautiful. Count each moment as a blessing and most importantly let them know you love them. I love you Ben and Brooklyn. You are the guiding lights in my life and fill my heart with joy. I love you Melissa, Kristina, and Michael. I couldn't have asked for a greater group of people to grow up with. I love you Mom and Dad. You are the best parents in this world. Thank you for being such an important and beautiful part of my life. You all mean the world to me. I love you.