Mothers Day

Two years ago I celebrated my first mother day as a mother and honestly it was probably one of the worst days of my life. Brooklyn was two or three weeks old and so I was over the initial "Oh Yay I'm a mom" energy and into the "What in the #%@& (please insert pg-rated swear word here) was I thinking" burn out. I remember waking up around six o'clock mothers day morning to Brooklyn crying, Ben snoring, and motherly chest pain :). While Brooklyn nursed me to tears I just sat there cursing in my mind. "Happy bleeping Mothers Day" I repetitively swore to myself as I winced and glared with pain and anger. I questioned all my life decisions, I cursed my husband and child, I even began to grind my teeth (a habit that has continued since when I become angry). This wasn't the beautiful Hallmark Mothers Day I had hoped for where my husband woke me with breakfast in bed and my child cuddled up next to me. I didn't feel like those super model Hallmark women who were gasping with surprise at the beautiful gifts her husband and children had gotten her. No I felt like every ounce of energy and emotion had been sucked out of my sore breasts and the only model I looked like were the ones holding numbers for the police officers. I was beyond tired, frustrated, and down right dead. The day dragged on and eventually ended with me in tears while trying to get my child to sleep at my mom's house while talking to my little brother in Portland. Not the ideal, not Hallmark, not even a good day just an average day in the life of a new mother. Ben treated me like a star as much as an exhausted new dad could and my parents helped as much as people who couldn't feed a newborn could but at the end of the day it was the most real Mothers Day I'll ever have. There were no cute moments or rays of sunshine there was just survival: a mode all first-time mothers know all too well. A mode that is unknown to non-mothers and instinctively suppressed by veteran mothers. Survival is the nitty-gritty key to young motherhood. It's the roughest stage where everything turns blurry, showering becomes a luxury, and sleep becomes a myth. Ironically most experienced mothers forget to mention when they hear you're pregnant either because they've forgotten (unlikely) or they just want to give you extra hope and energy for the days to come but mark my words, it happens. Sure after two years you'll laugh and blog about it but most importantly you'll realize that you're not alone. You aren't the only one who struggled, you're not the only one who hurt, you're not the only zombie out there. So if you're new to this whole mother thing, or you're experienced but just tired remember you're not alone, there other moms cursing under their breaths because they're exhausted and overworked. There's another mom out there crying in the grocery store because she ran out of fruit snack and her child is throwing a tantrum in aisle four. And take it from me there is definitely a mom out there trying to figure out who she really is because she worries that she's disappearing into motherhood. We all hurt, we all struggle, but we're not alone.
When you're done feeling down, tired, or frustrated take time to remember those moms in your life who have already struggled through survival mode. Remember your moms, grandmas, cousins, aunts, and friends who have helped you through your darkest hour and your hardest moments. Thanks them for all they've done for you, it'll make you feel better and it'll make your day.
For me I am the woman I am today because of my mother. She has stood by me every day of my life. She was my biggest fan and support in every activity I pursued. She took me to every soccer, volleyball, basketball, karate, dance, softball, and violin practice. She came to every game and concert. She walked and talked with me during the turbulent teenage years and always helped me solve my "boy" problems (till the day I got married :). She came to see me in Brussels and even drove 45 minutes last Sunday to watch my latest community orchestra performance. My mother is the greatest mother in this world and I love her dearly.
Thanks to my sister Melissa who has always been the example for me. She was always two years ahead of me with every life decision so by the time Brooklyn came along she was a veteran mother. The day after we left the hospital she drove three hours to help me settle in as a mom. She cooked for me, cleaned for me, forced me to take a nap, and hugged me when I cried because I was worried. Melissa was my closest friend growing up, we hardly fought and when we did it never lasted long. She's a great mother of three and is my go-to call when something new comes up with Brooklyn.
To Kristina, my crazy little sister. She's the most loving person in this world to a fault. She cares so deeply for others that she neglects herself sometimes. We definitely fought growing up but her heart is full of love for others.
To Maureen who taught me how to be a better mother. I was just a lost foreigner in Brussels when she took me in and helped me discover how a great mother fills her time. Her creative adventures, and daring playdates inspire me to be a better mom. She's showers her daughter with love daily and I only hope I shower Brooklyn with that much love.
To Nanon, my cousin and college "big sister" who helped me become truly independent. My first day up at college I danced and sang about my new independence with my roommate when Nanon called and invited me to lunch. We went to the Fiddlers Elbow and talked about how grown up my roommate and I were and how independent we were and then the check came. I pulled out my checkbook feeling so grown-up when the waitress informed me that they didn't accept checks. Whoops. Nanon was there when I got homesick and couldn't go home. She helped me keep a home in my heart.
And finally to my best friend Cassie who just had her second boy and is making it look so easy. Thanks for keeping our friendship strong, thanks for making sure we get together at least once a month to catch up even if it means dragging your two boys up to Sandy. You are a great friend and I'm lucky to have you.
For lack of time a quick thanks to Lou for being my comic relief, Leslie for teaching me the wrap, and Chelsey for sending me loving messages when I need them. Thanks to Jan for raising such a wonderful man whom I had the privilege to marry. Thanks Celes for making me run and Mandi for letting me rant to you. Also thanks to Courtney, Alli, Robyn, and Amber for being such great sisters. I really love talking to all of you so much and wish the best for all of you. Thanks to my Grandma Schofield for giving Ben and I a place to sleep whenever we are down south. Thanks to my wonderful spouse who probably did make me breakfast in bed that first mothers day even if I can't remember and has supported me ever since. And of course thanks to my sweet Brooklyn who continuously teaches me love, patience, patience, patience, laughter, and love. I love you my sweet angel. I love you all and wish you a very Happy Mothers Day!